Hot (men drinkin) Coffee

Chapter 1

It was a quiet day in the studio and the MDC were planning their next great foray into the art known as let’s play. DiaperChris was watching Downton Abbey on his phone (His favorite character was James “Jimmy” Kent). Anthony was drawing his own OC in the Final Fantasy universe, which was just him except he was blood brothers with Cloud Strife, and his arm was a bardiche. Judge was actually doing the work that got their videos up on their website.

After all this work the men were hungry. “Where do you guys want to eat?” said Anthony. Judge knew exactly where he wanted to eat, and so did his comrades. They could see the look in his eyes, the bestial stare that told the whole world that the hunger and lust with him could only be satiated by a single source of sustenance. Judge raised his finger…

“Why don’t we go to Applebee’s?”

The men were seated at their usual table (The one with the 101 Dalmatians poster on the wall) by their usual waitress (the one with an eye patch). “What would you boys?” DiaperChris gave her the look “…Men, like to order?” DiaperChris and Anthony both order boneless Buffalo wings, for they were simple men with simple needs. Judge, on the other hand, was not a mere open book waiting to be read.

“I’ll have the 9 oz. house Sirloin.” said Judge. “Would you like any upgrades for that?” the waitress asked. Judge was no amateur; he was a man who knew what he wanted. “Add some sautéed garlic mushroom, please.” With the orders marked in (they also ordered fireball whiskey lemonades) the men waited for their food to come.

Finally the food was served to the hungry men. Judge had put on his “Garment Protection Unit” bib in preparation for horrors he was about to reap upon his steak. His anus puckered with anticipation as the 9 oz’s of succulent meat was placed in front of him. He picked up his fork and knife, holding them in his hand like he was Da Vinci about to sculpt David from the marble. Things were about to get messy.

Chapter 2

The culling time had approached, for the sun had set in the sky and the stars and moon had taken their place in the tapestry of the phantasmal void known as night. The secret gods of the world were waiting in anticipation for the act that would bring about a new era in the world. It was time for Judge Reinhold to eat his Applebee’s steak.

Using his knife and fork like an accomplished surgeon he cut forth the first of his many succulent bites. He closed his eyes as the chunk of meaty gold approached his awaiting maw. As it passed under his nose the scent entered his nostrils and gave him an artificial high, further enhancing his already primal senses. It was then that the steak first made contact with Judge’s mouth.

Judge’s pants exploded with ecstasy. He remembered this feeling, he knew it well. His life was harsh, full of trials and hardship and gob loads of editing. There was only one thing in the world that allowed him to feel like a true human being again, and that was Applebee’s steak. Applebee’s steak, the ever so sweet soma that friends and family mocked him for liking (unjustly) simply because it came from Applebee’s.

Yes, they did serve some sub-par products such as Applebee’s Riblets, which were thin rib-bone chips connected by thin sinews of meat, barely a meal at all. But they also had the 2 for $20 dollar deal, which is was Judge and Anthony had used to get their meal, Judge a steak and Anthony boneless buffalo wings, along with an oriental chicken salad to share. Diaper refused to take part in the deal as he said it was for “Nancy Boys”.

And said steak was now doing its magic inside Judge. It’s sweet poison begun to pierce every essence of Judge’s body, curing him of diseases he didn’t even know he had. Dead brain and skin cells were magically brought back to life, give Judge a higher retention as well as baby smooth skin. His stomach set out a red carpet to welcome the steak, where other foods watched behind the barriers in hopes of getting a glimpse at his majesty, the king of foods.

During this time Diaper had already finished his boneless buffalo wings and had moved on to the Applebee’s bar to mingle with the other yuppies and talk about “The Game”. Anthony on the other hand was an exceedingly slow eater and had barely reached his second nug. This was because he refused to eat the crunchy outer layer of the boneless Buffalo wings and spent quite a while meticulously removing the outer shell. Not only that, following in the footsteps of his Japanese hero Takeru Kobayashi, dipped all of his food into his glass of water to make for easier swallowing.

But Judge was not concerned about his fellow MDC members, for there was more steak to be eaten. Despite only taking a few minutes to consume, to judge and the celestial beings who witnessed the consummation, it felt like a lifetime. Tales would be told of the majesty and grandeur that were being produced and consumed at this ostentatious event. For every other bite, judge used some Applebee’s Bourbon Street Steak Sauce, not because it was necessary, but because he wanted to let Applebee’s know he cared.

This action did not go unnoticed. In the kitchen there was a Romanian chef who had been a master in his youth, but do to discrimination in Europe had to leave his 5 star restaurant in his home country to work at a random Applebee’s as a mere cook. He felt that he was wasting away making meals for people who did not understand the fine meals he created. But, while looking out of the kitchen for just a second, he caught a glimpse of Judge. He saw that someone finally appreciated his food, and knowing his job was done, promptly died.

As he came to the end of his meal, he looked upon the plate that had once held the object of his desire. He said a quick prayer in honor of the various animals that had gone into his steak. The animal’s spirits in turn honored the man who would surely put their nutrients to use making another hilarious pod-play. All was right and balanced in the world.

Finished with his task, Judged washed his hands with the provided moist towelettes. Diaper had returned to the table after drinking his fill of the local flavor. Anthony had finally finished his 5 boneless buffalo and was full. Paying for their meal with a7 gold doubloons (as they were known to do) The Men Drinkin’ Coffee got up from their table, left through the door, and went off into the night.

Courtesy Ralepozozaxe

Audio version of Chapter 2: